Four Reasons Not to Drink Local Wine

 

I don't know about you, but I am so over this whole local wine thing. Too much going on. Too much press coverage. Too many awards. Too many reviews. Too many books being published about it. It's tiresome. I've had it up to here with local wine. So much white noise...don't you agree? Here are four great reasons to tell your friends why you're boycotting local wine.

 

 

Tired of the Whole Support Local Thing

This is one of the biggest reasons I don’t like East Coast wines.  I don’t want to support anything local. I don’t want to support the local economy. I don’t want to support local entrepreneurship. And I certainly don’t want to reward local farmers who are trying to steward the land properly, and with great care. And I especially dislike sustainable farming on a small scale. And I really hate all the small and intermediate job opportunities they create. I especially hate the fact that these small businesses will never ever leave the state and are not portable, since they are tied to the land, and will always grow and build right here in their home state.

 

Too Many Little Boutique Producers

I hate small boutique producers who try to make quality wines in small batches. I hate hand crafted wines with character and finesse. Forget signature styles, and all the effort small wineries put into small regional wine. I prefer big, mass produced wines that are six dollars a bottle and taste like grape juice with a shot of booze in it. And I hate that small boutique producers given me so much more variety and too many choices. So complicated. Let’s boil this puppy down into one or two flavors and move on.

No Time to Discover New Burgeoning Wine Regions

I hate new wine regions. You know, I like the way things are now. I prefer the way every town has the same 15 businesses with the same exact merchandise. I can go anywhere in America and get the same thing….over and over and over again. Old timers talk about the old days, before America got mall-ed, and every town had completely different things. I don’t want to travel to new places and learn a new region. I don’t want to explore new places, and experience different wine tastings, and see what’s going on. And I don’t have the time or interest in learning what new, different regions have to offer, and what they might do well.  I want to be able to get the same thing every time, and not have to think or remember.

Can’t Be Bothered to Discover New Grapes/Varietals

I can’t remember Chardonnay, Riesling, Sauvignon Blanc, Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Pinot Noir, Syrah, Zinfandel, and Malbec, let alone Cabernet Franc and Petite Syrah (what is Petite Syrah anyway?). I don’t want to learn new obscure varietal wines. I don’t want to find new tastes in grapes like Blaufrankish, Baco Noir, Norton, Chambourcin, Seyval Blanc, Petite Mensang, Viongier, and Vidal Blanc. I hate finding new flavors to go with different foods and discovering new flavor profiles. I’m just not interested. I need more of the same. Can’t you just make what everyone else is making?

So here are some cool new places to avoid if you don’t like great wine:

Virginia – Almost every region in Virginia has several wineries producing great wines. RdV, Barboursville, Jefferson, Afton Mountain, Ankida Ridge, Boxwood, King Family and others make Virginia one of the new hot states to beat!

Hudson Valley – The Finger Lakes is an established region, but Baco Noir, Cabernet Franc, Seyval, and Chardonnay are burning up the valley. And Riesling has taken a major foothold in this once sleepy region. Artisanal creameries galore, and restaurant chic to spare according to the New York Times. Hot. Hot. Hot.

 

Maryland – Boordy, Old Westminster, Port of Leonardtown, Slack, Black Ankle, Sugar Loaf Mountain, Thanksgiving Farm, and Harford Vineyard among just a few making Maryland one of the hottest states on fire these days!  

Southern New Jersey – Where? We’re talking wine, not crabs or hoagies! Turdo leads the way, along with Natali Vineyards, Hawk Haven, Cape May Winery and others. The Outer Coastal Plain is also soon to be one of the best small producing AVAs on the entire east coast! And Heritage Station is becoming a regional powerhouse.

South Eastern Pennsylvania - Va La Winery and Karamoor lead the way south of Philadelphia. Penns Woods, Crossings, Chaddsford, and J. Maki and several others make eastern Pennsy more than just the place where they shot "Rocky."