Friday, October 25, 2013

Onion Punks New York State Booze Industry; Sends Hilarious "At Rest" Joke Survey

 
 
It's been a while since the Onion, America's Finest News Source, tried to take over the NY Wine and Culinary Center. But their newest prank is even funnier and so far fetched that New York liquor stores, restaurants, wineries, distilleries, and breweries are laughing themselves silly.

Just recently, the New York State Liquor Authority (who apparently is in on the gag) sent out a survey asking wholesalers, liquor stores, and producers their thoughts on "at rest." Of course, what makes it all so hilarious is that "at rest" is an insane plan to require all companies who sell booze in New York state to have a warehouse in New York state. The joke is, there's not that much warehouse room in the whole state...LOL! Which is why the booze "rests" somewhere else....like New Jersey, Pennsylvania, or Connecticut or elsewhere.
 
“At Rest” means that all liquor and wine shipped to a NY restaurant or retailer in the state of New York must come from a NY warehouse after it has come “to rest” for at least 24 hours. This hilarious gag is  an attempt by Southern and Empire, who are two wholesalers, who are trying to eradicate 150 other small wholesalers and put them out of business. Hilarious!
The preposterous detail of this pointless prank is that if distributors, who keep offices in NYC, were required to warehouse their product in New York state in order to sell in New York state, then a HUGE number of them would go out of business, or be forced to increase their prices hugely.

And of course, the real dupes in the prank are New York consumers. They'll unwittingly pay the extra fees and lose a whole lot of choice!!! You gotta love the public...you can always pawn off a lot of hilarious stuff on them!

And the funniest part of the prank is that the two wholesalers completely overspent!!!! According to Wine Spectator, Southern contributed nearly $30,000 to New York lawmakers during the 2012 election year, while Empire made more than $330,000 in contributions to New York politicians during that time. Empire Merchants LLC has given a total of $30,000 to Sen. Klein since 2009!!!

Who would be that stupid?!!!!

The most amazing part of the prank is that Southern and Empire somehow paid for the naming rights of the NYSLA, or something to that effect, since it was the NYSLA's logo that was put on the preposterous joke! I've dealt with the NYSLA many times. They are professionals who are very serious about their business. I didn't know that they had that kind of sense of humor! Or maybe someone put them up to it? Nice to know for future dealings!